Billie Eilish and Brother Finneas Fought Over Song About Suicide, ‘I Felt Like an Enabler’

by Jeremy Spirogis
Billie Eilish and brother Finneas O

It’s no secret Billie Eilish has struggled with fame. The teen star has spoken in a number of interviews about adjusting to the highlight and her childhood desires of being on stage.

With platinum hits, 5 Grammys, billions of streams, and a James Bond observe underneath her belt, she’s already an completed artist at age 18.

Eilish and her brother Finneas O’Connell are a dynamic sibling duo relating to creating songs, they usually’re using the wave to success collectively. At instances, the music has darkish and gloomy undertones however one of many issues Eilish emphasizes is that she needs it to be relatable.

However, there’s one track that hit a bit too onerous for her brother, and it brought on a serious struggle between the siblings.

Billie Eilish and brother Finneas O'Connell
Billie Eilish and brother Finneas O’Connell | Lester Cohen/Getty Images for ASCAP

Billie Eilish angered brother Finneas over observe ‘Everything
I Wanted’

Pulling from expertise is one thing many songwriters do, however when Eilish approached her brother with an thought for a brand new track, it wound up upsetting him. “Everything I Wanted” opens with the road, “I had a dream/I got everything I wanted” however the lyrics got here from a darkish place.

During an interview with The
Times UK
, Eilish discussed how O’Connell turned offended throughout the songwriting
course of as he discovered his sister thought of suicide. He didn’t wish to write

“We had this large argument. Because I admitted one thing that
I used to be, uh… It wasn’t a bodily factor I used to be admitting. I don’t know find out how to put
it with out truly saying it, and I don’t wish to truly say it. But it was
me admitting to one thing that was very severe about my despair. A really
severe step that I used to be admitting that I used to be planning on taking. And Finneas
stated, ‘I don’t wish to write a track about you killing your self and the way that’s every part
you needed.’”

Eilish added that her mother and father additionally bought concerned and it turned
right into a “huge thing” that brought on her to lock herself in a room. She had everybody

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O’Connell says he ‘felt like an enabler’

Eilish shared she actually did have a dream that impressed the track. She instructed The Times she dreamt she jumped off a constructing, and the time, it didn’t trouble her. Rather, it felt extra like a fantasy. “I was in a really bad place mentally,” she stated.

Later, she realized the impression of the track’s phrases on her household. While O’Connell most well-liked that their songs had a decision on the finish, Eilish argued that actual life isn’t like that. It was an enormous supply of friction, and O’Connell was involved extraordinarily involved.

“It was a period where I was really worried about my sister, and I felt like an enabler in helping her write a song as bleak as that song was,” he stated.

“Like the musical equivalent of giving an alcoholic another beer: ‘I’m not going to support this.’ A lot of songs are written in retrospect, but this one felt like it was being written in real time, and I was like: ‘This is something we’ve got to write on the other side of this hill. We have to go through this in real life. You can’t always solve your problems in a song.”

View this post on Instagram

It’s my mother’s birthday!!! Here’s an image of my head on my mother’s physique, mother’s head on dad’s physique and so forth. I’ve by no means as soon as in my life wished to be something as an alternative of my mom’s son. Her means to hold herself selflessly by way of life, at all times caring for these round her, at all times ensuring the plans are honest. She’s an immense expertise at so many things- songwriting, singing, appearing, improv, a world class chef and baker, an animal rescuer, the record goes on. I’m impressed each day by my mother and I’m nowhere she didn’t encourage and help me to be. Love you mama. Sad we are able to’t take you out to your favourite restaurant tonight or some other public area, fortunate I get to spend extra time with you. Happy birthday ♥️

A post shared by FINNEAS (@finneas) on Mar 29, 2020 at 9:17am PDT

Eilish devoted the track to her brother

“Everything I Wanted” was launched in November 2019 and Rolling Stone described it as a “meditation on fame.” Eilish devoted the track to her brother with the message, “No matter what happens, we always have been and will be there to make it better.”

Eilish has been open about despair, telling Vogue
she was identified with the situation as a teen. Throughout her life, she’s struggled
with physique picture, suicidal ideas, and self-harm, however instructed the journal she’s
taken steps to enhance her psychological well being. She additionally provided a bit of recommendation.

“When folks ask me
what I’d say to any person on the lookout for recommendation on psychological well being, the one factor I
can say is persistence. I had persistence with myself. I didn’t take that final step.
I waited. Things fade.”

How to get assist: In the U.S., name the National Suicide Prevention
at 1-800-273-8255. Or textual content
HOME to 741-741 to attach with a skilled disaster counselor on the free
Crisis Text Line.

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